Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
