btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
