I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
