I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
