i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
