So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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