is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
