i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
