ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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