im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
