A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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