Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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