it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
