No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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