I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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