I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
