You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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