At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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