if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Found the puke drawer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
