you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
