Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
