my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
