i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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