oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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