I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
