So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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