i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
