The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
