I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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