Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
