I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
