So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
