Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
