Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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