Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
