You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
