He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
