If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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