His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
