apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
