i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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