you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In America we eat man semen.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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