just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
