I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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