She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
