well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
