This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
