Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
