hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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