dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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