thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
