Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
