We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
