Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
