His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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