In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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