you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
