I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
