No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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