Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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